A Chipped Cup
by GoneDrake
Summary: After Belle left the castle, Rumpelstiltskin decided that he would no longer think of his lost love. But when Belle wants nothing more than death, Rumpelstiltskin has to choose between letting her die... or keeping her safe. xRumbelle
1. Prologue

I sat on the ledge, staring at the mountains in the distance. The sun had begun to set, and the trees were dimly lit with an orange glow. Somewhere in the horizon a gull called to its flock, signaling their retreat for the night. A slight, warm breeze shook leaves to the ground, mixing the reds and the yellows and the deep hues together. It tickled my cheeks and caressed my lips. I closed my eyes and let the wind carry my tears to the ground below.

Three months. I had been trapped in this tower for three months, tonight marking the end.

I began to hum a sad tune. At first, the solitude had been frightening. I had spent days on end alone, sitting on the edge of my bed and staring into the daylight. There wasn't much to do besides gaze out into the distance, wishing for freedom. But then the men came – the ones that Father ordered – attempting to purge me of my sins. Exorcise the Devil from my body, they said. And my fear had turned into terror. For weeks, they would arrive at daybreak, carrying crosses, holy water, and an abundance of ropes. Attempt after attempt, trying various methods to summon the evil spirits from my mind. They would only leave once I could no longer move, paralyzed in pain. Many days I would catch a glance of myself in the mirror, no longer recognizing the bloody, torn girl looking back at me.

I still had the cuts all over my body. The bruises faded, but the scars remained.

Once they had given up, Father had done all but thrown away the key. The men no longer came, except for the odd day when a merchant would deposit goods at the bottom of the winding staircase. I made sure to ration my food, for sometimes, it would be days before another meal was brought to me.

But compared to now, starvation seemed like a luxury. I hadn't seen a human soul for a month or two, and I no longer remembered what a genuine smile looked like. Did it light up the eyes, or did it cause them to twinkle? I didn't know. The sunshine had faded into a darkness that loomed at the edge of my vision, scratching the inside of my mind like a trapped animal. I would look at the nature, meters below, and despite the colors, saw only grey. A deathly, churning grey. The sludge crept inside my thoughts, and soon I found myself unable to move.

Some days I would spend the entire afternoon in a corner of the tower, forehead pressed against the cool brick. Other days, on the floor. My eyes would close and I would fall into a deep sleep, wishing never to wake. My heart was broken, my body was scarred, and I no longer cared. I didn't care about ever seeing day again. I didn't care about myself. I didn't care about life. I didn't care about-

No.

I dug my nails into the concrete as a memory flashed behind my eyelids. I wouldn't allow myself to think of him.

Instead, I focused on a meadow of flowers a few hills to my right. They were so small, so innocent – blossoming into beautiful bouquets that I would never be able to gather. The grass around it – wet, soft, full of dew – swirling in inviting patterns. Crickets buzzed into the night, and as I looked closer, I could see the dance of fireflies amongst the mulberry bushes.

A tear rolled down my cheek and onto the palm of my hand. It was cold. I shuddered and bit my lip, keeping the sob from escaping my throat. The emptiness that I felt inside was nothing compared to the shards of glass inside my chest. The ones that hadn't stopped destroying me since I left the castle months ago.

Pressing a hand to the wall, I curled my fingers around the sill and stood. My legs shook. I didn't know if it was from fear or from anticipation. Or perhaps both. Hesitantly, I peered over the side of the ledge, and took a deep breath. The ground swirled below like a great body of water. Black, icy, endless. Terrifying. Darkness had devoured the sky, and the clouds covered the moon. I was alone in the night, hovering above my death like a ragdoll on a string. One step and I could drop. I could fall. And I could die.

I could have peace.

I was no longer afraid.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and let go of the wall. A gust of wind hit me from the side, and I was carried along with it, body collapsing as I dropped from the side of the tower. As I plummeted towards my death, nothing flashed before my eyes – no memories, no thoughts, no faces – only a screaming that sounded in my ears. Perhaps it was me who was screaming, who knew.

It didn't matter.

I fell.

And fell.

And fell.

But never hit the ground.

* * *

><p>"No!" I shouted, running towards the tower as fast as I could. I saw her weakened frame waver, lit by the candle of her windowsill. Her arm dropped to her side, releasing her grip on the ledge.<p>

_No, this couldn't be happening. She would never…_

And then she fell.

"No!" Another shout escaped from my throat, this one desperate and broken. I had no time to think. I was only seconds away, now below the enormous structure. Time felt frozen. With all my strength, I threw myself towards the girl that twisted through the air… and caught her in my arms.

We both slammed into the ground with a sickening thud.

"Belle!" I gasped, standing as quickly as I could, her body limp in my hold. The air felt knocked from my lungs, but I managed to stay steady. "Belle, answer me!"

The girl's eyelids fluttered, but she remained unconscious.

"Oh, Belle…" Tentatively, I passed the back of my hand across her cheek. It was soft and smooth. Even with her face covered with dirt, blood, and tears, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes upon.

A golden tear slipped down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away with my free hand. I had sworn never to think of her again, yet here she was, in my arms. Here, her heartbeat inches from mine. The warmth of her skin much too close to mine, despite the clothing that separated us.

I sighed, calming myself. Belle was safe. Belle was alive. That was all that mattered. Nothing had changed. Nothing about what happened months ago had changed. She was still gone, and I was still the heartless monster I had been for years. Nothing was different. Nothing could be different, even if I wanted it to be.

_"Now you've made your choice, and you're going to regret it. Forever."_ Her words echoed in my head, as clear as day, and the blade in my heart twisted deeper.

Looking at the peaceful expression on her face, I couldn't help feel a twinge of guilt. Maybe this is what she had wanted all along, to be set free of her pain. The last thing she would want would be to wake up and see the face of a monster. Maybe I should have let her…

No.

My jaw locked and my eyes narrowed. As long as I was alive, I would make sure she was safe. And that was final.

I brushed my hair back and hoisted her over my shoulder, being careful to support her head. I had made my decision. Whether she wanted to or not, I would bring her back to my castle until she was able to regain her strength. She needed a place to stay, and I would be able to assure her safety. I wouldn't let anything happen to her.

Not again.

Not ever.


	2. The Beginning

When I opened my eyes, all was silent. I blinked a few times, slowly, memory a blank. I was in a room – a dark one, at that – with stone walls and thick red drapes. A candle was dimly lit in the corner, on a wooden dresser neatly crafted. The bed I was in was large with many sheets. From how it felt on my body, there were at least two eiderdowns, if not three. The smell of wood and cedar drifted through the air, and as I inhaled… I stopped cold.

That smell.

It couldn't be.

Suddenly, all the memories from the night before came rushing forward, and I gasped. A hand flew to my throat and my eyes grew wide – I was supposed to be dead. I was supposed to be dead! I grabbed at my skin and my face, frantically searching for a laceration of some kind, but it seemed that I was in one piece. I tore the covers off my body and sprung from the bed. Glancing down at my feet, I saw that I was wearing the same outfit as the night before – a long, blue dress – and shook my head in protest.

No. No. I wasn't alive. I was dead. I watched as the ground came closer and closer… I had to be dead. I had to be.

My eyes flitted around the room in frantically until I found the object I was looking for. I rushed to the mirror, my throat too tight to breathe. Yanking at the covers, I managed to tear them to the ground, uncaring whether they got dirty or not. I only wanted to see my reflection.

A sob escaped my throat. The person staring back at me was the same girl I had seen for the past two months – an empty, lifeless corpse. Her cheeks were hollow, her skin pallid, her eyes sunken in. Her once brilliant hair was dull, and her lips were cracked from lack of moisture. And her body… Her body was covered in scars. Gashes from being thrown to the ground. From being whipped too many times. From being beaten. From tearing at her own flesh, trying to feel something, anything.

I sunk to my knees, sick. I felt like I had been punched in the gut, and I could no longer stand. I collapsed to the floor and buried my head in my hands, body racking back and forth as shudders rippled through my body. I felt the tears dripping down my neck and through my fingers.

I was alive.

But how? I thought, crying. How? My head was pounding so hard I couldn't hear my own sobs. I could feel the blood pulsing from my heart and into my veins, a thought that just confirmed how living I really was.

And suddenly, the answer to my question was answered.

"Belle," The voice whispered, softly. It was hesitant, shaky – but immediately, I knew who it belonged to.

Rumpelstiltskin.

"No," I choked out.

"Belle," He repeated, closer this time. I heard the sound of light footsteps cross the room, until they were right next to where I was kneeling. He crouched down and took a deep breath. "Belle, please. Look at me."

I raised my head, eyes filled with tears.

"Belle, look at me."

I shook it back and forth. "No," I whispered inaudibly.

"Belle." This time, he reached down, and with a shaky hand, touched my shoulder. Immediately I recoiled, fire shooting through my body.

Pain hit me in the chest like lightning.

"I can't," I gasped, now shrunken into the corner of the room like a cornered animal. My breath was coming out in short gasps. Shoulders shaking, I tried as hard as I could to stop myself from losing it completely. "I can't. I just can't."

I heard his own breath shake, but he wouldn't give up. "Belle," He approached me again, this time with his hands behind his back. He coughed a little. I felt his come closer, so close that I could feel his body heat. My heart beat faster in fright. "Belle, please, don't be scared."

I didn't reply. I _was_ scared.

"Belle, look at me." His voice was desperate, pleading.

But I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep.

"Belle."

I raised my head.

He was kneeled beside me, his eyes brimmed with tears. Dark circles lined them, overlapping the red beneath. The pain in his eyes was so deep that it made me gasp. The hollowness – the death – that had been my own was mirrored in his irises. The gold of his skin no longer shone – it was unreflective, grey. His body shuddered, and as he raised his hand for the second time, I could see that it was shaking.

This time, I let reach for my shoulder.

Without words, he pulled me closer, the warmth of his body so inviting that I felt myself grow weak. There was no fight left in me. I collapsed onto his chest as both his arms wrapped around my back, holding me tight. I closed my eyes and let myself cry.

* * *

><p>Fire was boiling in the pit of my throat, and nothing could settle it.<p>

I sat in the middle of my chamber with Belle in my arms, holding her while she fell apart. No matter how hard I tried, my body wouldn't let me release the grip I had on her body, not even a little – it was as though, if I let go, she would disappear. My vest was soaked with her tears, and still she continued to cry. As her sobs filled my ears, I could feel my chest ache.

_What are you doing?_ A voice in my head shouted, tearing at my will. I squeezed my eyes shut. _You know she doesn't love you. She could never love someone like you._

"Shut up," I muttered, ignoring my own thoughts. "I know. I won't let my guard down, not even for her."

But as those words left my lips, something sharp hit me, once more, in the chest, making me wince in pain. I felt torn. I knew that since the day my fate was sealed – by that sword – I would go to hell. I had lost everything , including my humanity. I was evil, a monster, created for destruction. Not frivolous, human emotions. Caring about someone only showed weakness, and that was what the Queen had wanted all along. To strip me of my power so she could finally be the strongest of all.

But I had caught on to her manipulation in time to regain my strength. And that couldn't happen again. I would never let my guard down – not even for a second – on the hope that someone could possibly love me.

I glanced down at Belle, her brown hair matted and pressed against my chest. It had gotten tangled in the past events. Her dress was dirty, ripped, and worn. She had lost the life she once held in her eyes – they were now dark, empty. The pain inside her heart had torn her apart, and she had finally given in to death. All because of what they had done to her. What _I_ had done to her.

And that was what was killing me.

But why did I care? I grit my teeth together. The fire in my chest was caused by the weaker part of me – the part that had been desperate to save her, who had sat at her bedside to make sure she didn't hurt herself in her sleep. I had watched her sleep for the past three days, and for what? She was terrified of me. She hated me. She may have… loved me… at one point, but that had long vanished.

Nothing mattered, especially not love. Power was the most important thing to me. There wasn't a trace of humanity left in my soul – there couldn't be. I had died. I knew that I had died.

_You're a fool,_ the voice said again, in a cackle. _You know she reawakened everything you had thought had died. She repaired that pile of ash you once called your heart. She gave you regret. But you couldn't handle it. Because you're a coward. Nothing but a coward._

_You're lying,_ I screamed inside, struggling not to cry aloud. I didn't want to scare Belle, not while she was so fragile. But rage pierced through my veins, because, somewhere deep inside, I knew that what the voice was saying was true.


	3. II

Rumpelstiltskin handed me a teacup from the other side of the table, eyes hesitant. I took it by the handle and placed it on the saucer in front of me. The blackness of the tea swished back and forth, and I found myself gazing into its depths until I realized that he was watching me. I raised my eyes and met his – a soft, nervous gaze.

My entire body felt as though it was frozen in ice. My thoughts had stopped completely, and I couldn't seem to process the previous hours' events. It had taken all my willpower to fall apart, and I was now much, much too tired to deal with reality. Instead of a flood of panic, I just felt… dazed. Confused. Faint. And scared. I refused to acknowledge the man's presence, the fact that I was sitting in the chair I once cleaned months ago. This had to all be a dream, a sick delusion caused by the hell I was now living in. That was the only answer.

I still felt his eyes on me.

"Thank you," I mumbled, taking a sip. My throat felt like sandpaper. But the warmth hit me immediately, and I shuddered. Perhaps I hadn't realized how cold I had been. "It… it's good."

"Good," he whispered, then blinked a few times. "I'm glad."

We sat in silence for a few moments. Then, as abruptly as the quiet had come, the man spoke.

"How are you feeling?"

I felt my cheeks grow pink and I let my head drop. I wondered whether he wanted me to answer honestly or not. My lips moved against my will. "Tired, I suppose."

He let out a nervous chuckle. "Perhaps you should go back to sleep, then?" He rose and motioned towards the room we had come from. "The bed has been made, and do not worry – I have been staying elsewhere. There is a lock on the inside of the door – you would be able to rest uninterrupted."

I shook my head urgently. "No," I bit my lower lip in thought, then took another quick sip of the tea. "I mean, no, thank you. I-I think I've had enough rest for the day."

He nodded, but his expression seemed unsure. In fact, his entire demeanor was nervous. His hands were clenched together, legs tapping the floor, muscles tense. "Your fall… it… wasn't very graceful, I'm afraid. You landed rather painfully…" he hesitated. "Are you certain you're not in pain? I tended to your injuries the best I could, but… you weren't able to tell me where they were… and I… I mean… I"

"Yes." I spoke louder this time, in order to give him assurance. There was a slight pain in my side, but nothing too serious. The real pain was in my chest. "I feel fine. Thank you."

"Alright." He let out a breath of relief, moving towards the corner of the room. In it stood his spool of thread, where he used to sit and spin for hours on end. "If you're sure." His voice seemed worn, and as he took a seat on the small wooden stool, I noticed the way his shoulders sagged. He picked up the thread and began to spin.

Left alone at the edge of the great wooden table, I took the time to take in my surroundings.

Not much had changed since months ago, when I was traded for my kingdom's safety. The deep red drapes had since been closed, blocking all sunshine from entering the room, and the only source of light was a few solemn candles on either side. The floor was covered in a thin layer of dust, the wooden planks lacking the luster they once had. The pedestals weren't much better, the vases atop them draped in cobwebs. Even the dining room table was dusty. I sighed. The other rooms were probably worse.

The cabinet across the room – the one that held all the porcelain dishes – had been replaced by a large black sheet. From the looks of it, it appeared as though all the glass had shattered. The white column next to it showed signs of damage, too – numerous dents that scratched at the paint and revealed wood underneath. Had something happened? A robbery?

I felt nauseous. This room, this house, this man – the memories were supposed to send me reeling backwards with pain. My heart was throbbing, telling me that it couldn't handle much more, that I should flee as soon as the opportunity presented itself. But here I remained, seated.

I wasn't happy, no. I wasn't relieved, either. I had realized that my attempt at… death… had failed, but it seemed nothing more than a dulled fact. I felt hollow, empty, a porcelain doll at a tea party. Fear still stung in the back of my mind, but no emotions were strong enough to pass the corrosion that was my soul. I was just too tired.

I didn't feel anything.

And I didn't know why. Why, after everything that had happened, was I still as empty as before?

It was pointless. I may have been living on the outside, but on the inside, I was dead. My body was dragging my mind around like a lead weight, and the tie needed to be broken in order for me to be free. For me to be at peace.

I placed a palm on the wooden table, feeling the soft wood. All I knew was that the sooner I found out why I was here, the sooner I could leave, and the sooner I could escape myself.

From across the room, Rumpelstiltskin coughed.

I took a deep breath and approached him. "I may be well rested, but…" I knelt down next to the wheel, placing a good meter of space between us. "…you look tired."

Rumpelstiltskin gave a nervous laugh. "Don't worry about me, dearie. I'm perfectly fine."

The sallowing of his skin told otherwise, and I persisted. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Recently," he mumbled, eyes averting to the gold. His hands moved slower in thought, a motion that he once told me was, in his words, 'to help him forget.' The scene reminded me of something from months ago, before… before I had left. "I don't need much sleep."

I nodded absently, and trailed my hand along the drapes. Once spread wide open, the window had given view to the most beautiful mountains one had ever seen – endless hills and valleys and rivers, all hidden by lush green and rows of flowers. It had been a comforting sight, and sometimes we had spent hours just sitting on the sill, staring out into the horizon. A pang of guilt welled in my throat. Filth had collected on the dining room table, the shelves, the floor. Cobwebs lined the ceiling in a dance of string. Even the cabinet had piles upon piles of dishes stuffed into it.

It had been nice, how it had been before. Cleaning wasn't as bad a task as it seemed, and Rumpelstiltskin never overburdened me with chores.

The pang of guilt hit me again, this time stronger. With it came darker feelings, such as despair. I had let myself revel in the memories long enough. I had no recollection of him bringing me here – nor would I have come, if had the option. As my mind recalled the events from days ago, I grew more and more anxious to leave the mansion and complete what I had truly desired. I was supposed to be gone forever, not standing in a room with that man.

Suddenly, I grew afraid.

"Why did you save me?" I whispered. My voice was no louder than the wind.

He looked up from the wheel, a puzzled look plastered across his face. He raised a brow. "What do you mean?"

I inhaled deeply and motioned around the room. It seemed… much… emptier than the last time I had been here. "If your plan was to bring me back and keep me here as your housekeeper, well… well, that's not what I'm going to do. You let me go. That ended our deal. I don't- I don't owe you anything, anymore."

"Of course not," I saw a flash of shock cross his face, but it quickly disappeared, replaced with a calm smile. He spoke slowly, with regret. "I have no intention of keeping you here against your will. You may go as you wish, Belle."

His answer surprised me.

I opened my mouth in protest. "But I-"

"Your debt has been paid. The deal is complete."

I shook my head, still confused. "But why did you-"

"I answered your question, did I not?" Rumpelstiltskin asked sharply, suddenly dropping the thread. He narrowed his eyes and ran his hand across the wooden frame. "I have important things to attend to," he muttered, rising abruptly from his chair. I watched him stride across the room.

"Where are you going?" I rushed after him, thoughts a blur of colors and emotion. If he didn't want me to stay, that meant I was free to go, but- why was he leaving?

"Out." He turned towards me for a brief moment and our eyes met. They were filled with desperation, and he clenched his jaw together. "I have errands to run. Y-your shoes are by the edge of the bed – if you desire, leave. It did not matter to be before, and it does **not** matter to me now."

And with that, he slammed the door behind him.

* * *

><p><em>Coward.<em>

The word echoed in my head, this time, in Belle's voice.

_Coward. You're just a coward. Just a coward._

I pressed the palms of my hands to my eyes and kept walking, out the estate and onto the road that left it. It wound through the mountains and into the forest, where, eventually, it led to town. However, if you were to take a detour at the old oak two kilometers to the west, the road would fork and you would find yourself in a meadow.

_And that is where I am going,_ I thought, walking faster. My foot hit a pebble and it flew towards the trunk of a tree with a loud thunk. _She'll never find me there. She would never look for me, but if she did… she would never find me there._

I couldn't believe that I was fleeing. Running away from emotion that I was couldn't handle, unable to face them. I was making the same mistake again… the one I made months ago, filled with so much regret I couldn't speak.

Belle… Belle meant nothing more to me than any other human – fragile, stupid, _weak._ She wasn't special. She was only a woman, one that had sacrificed her happiness for the safety of her family. A hero, complying with the monster's desires in order to help her kingdom win the war. A martyr. Nothing more than a martyr. Just… a martyr.

I stopped moving, and pressed deeper into my eyes. White began to cloud my vision. The thoughts had to be coming from somewhere, and if I removed them from my mind… they would stop. They had to stop.

She had made me think that I could be loved. Deep down, I had always known the truth – that I was a monster, an evil that would eventually destroy anything – and anyone – in its path. I destroyed her. All because I had let hope overlook my rationality, causing me to forget who I really was. Rumpelstiltskin. The deal maker, a man not to cross paths with. A fiend.

But that smile… how could a human create such false emotion? Her green eyes, sparkling in the sunlight… her ivory skin, the subtlety of her jaw. The dimples in her cheeks, and the pinkness that rose when treated with kindness. The way she questioned what I did, my past, memories I had never shared with anyone else. The way she looked at me as a man, not a beast. She would approach me without fear, placing herself so close. There was no fear in her eyes, something I had never seen in any other human. It had stirred something deep inside my chest, perhaps even more powerful than evil itself.

And now she had returned to my castle.

"What was I supposed to do?" I screamed at the air, overwhelmed with frustration. Everything had been ruined. The memories were supposed to be gone. They were supposed to have left with her, the day she walked out the front door and into freedom. Why were they back? How could they be back, after I had banished them from my mind? "I couldn't just let her die! She didn't deserve to! It was my fault that she was locked in the tower, my fault that they caused her so much pain, my fault that she is so broken! She should never have done something like that, but I couldn't- I couldn't have watched. I had to help her! What was I supposed to do? What?"

I slammed my fist into a nearby oak. "I couldn't have done anything else, I couldn't have! I didn't have a choice!"

_You fool,_ the voice hissed in my ear, so close I flinched. It hit me so hard I doubled over in pain. _Of course you did. If you had let her die, you would be free of the burden you carry. But you couldn't. You had to give in to your fear, the fear of losing the one thing ever possible of loving you. You coward, you pathetic piece of filth! __**You**__ should be suffering, not her!_

I sunk to my knees. "I know," I cried, tears welling in my eyes. They dripped onto the leaves below as my shoulders shook. "I know!"

_You're nothing but a coward,_ it repeated. _Even if you had believed her, she would have left you eventually. Now she has embraced death as her lover, and your only choice is to let her free and watch her die, or keep her here… and have her hate you forever._

"Belle," I whispered, voice cracking. My throat was dry, closing quickly, and I struggled to breathe. "Please, forgive me… I'm so sorry…"

The voice laughed, a raw, evil sound. _And don't forget – the whole reason this happened was because of how weak you are. A weak, weak man, turned into a weak, weak monster. Desperate for power, with no idea how to use it. You ran from the war in fear – now you run from life, using your power as a means to hide who you truly are! You weren't strong enough to save your village; you weren't strong enough to save your humanity! You weren't even strong enough to save your son!_

I froze.

_Your son, your beautiful, beautiful son. Dead, all because of you. And now, Belle – she'll be dead, soon, too. All because of you._

"Shut up!" I screamed; face a mixture of rage and pain. Warmth dripped down my face as I dug my nails into the dirt, frantically trying to silence the voice that tore at my consciousness. It wasn't- I wasn't- "J-just shut up! Shut the fuck up! You don't know anything-"

"What don't I know?"

I stopped moving instantly, breath caught in my throat. Immediately, I straightened, keeping my back to the source of the voice as I removed the tears from my eyes and the grime from my clothing. I took a deep breathe and silence the shrieking that sounded in my ears - locked all emotion deep inside my chest. I closed my narrowed eyes, and when I opened them, the world was nothing but darkness. And I had no mercy for anyone. Slowly, I turned around.

"How may I help you, your Majesty?"


	4. III

**Warning: This chapter contains triggering** scenes.  
>Thank you so much for your reviews! I planned to make this chapter a lot longer, but I didn't want to make you wait. This isn't the end - I apologize for the lack of a cliffhanger.<p>

* * *

><p>The Queen stood facing me, hands folded upon her lap. Her face was twisted into a grin of amusement. "Am I interrupting, Rumple?"<p>

Behind her, a black carriage had stopped, being drawn by a dozen shadowed horses. Around them were numerous knights, all carrying onyx weapons and locking eyes with the forest floor. The dust that had rose seconds ago was now settled.

With a gloved hand, the woman waved her followers onwards. "Go ahead without me, I will catch up. I must have a chat with my dear friend… in private."

I watched as they departed, and focused my attention on the Queen – the woman I hated most in the world. Dressed from head to toe in black, and carrying a crystal staff, she was truly the epitome of conceit. Her headdress was lined with ribbon and diamonds, shining in the sun not with delicacy, but a gaudiness which matched the layers of jewelry around her neck. Her dress was constructed from wool sewn by her own personal slaves – blood thread, they called it. Even her makeup – red lipstick, pale skin – was an attempt at replicating her step-daughter's beauty. Everything she was had been stolen from someone else.

Ever since she married the King, her lust for power had increased. She had sold her soul for the power to reign over the land, and did with it what she pleased. Somewhere along the way, she had convinced herself that she a woman of great importance. However, her power was nothing compared to mine. And that was what caused her to toss and turn at night, plotting ways to steal my power and truly becoming the strongest in the land.

And that was what had caused her to manipulate Belle, to turn her against me.

That wench had tried to fool me once, using the one element she knew would take me by surprise – love. But I had seen through her tricks, and even though I still had my power… it had cost me everything.

I loathed her.

Using every muscle in my face, I stretched my lips over my teeth and into a smile. "Not at all, Your Majesty."

A coy look flashed across her face as she took a seat, smoothing out the creases in her dress. "You're awfully far from your estate, Rumpelstiltskin. Heading into town?" She took a quick look around, then locked eyes with mine. "But town would be in the opposite direction, wouldn't it?"

Keeping my composure, I nodded. "It would."

"May I ask where you're heading?" The Queen cocked her head to the side.

I winked. "You may," I took a step towards the woman, wanting nothing more than to tear out her throat and feed it to the swine. "But all requests come with a price."

"Ahh, yes," She smiled, flashing her sharp, white teeth. "I want to make a deal with you – something to do with a little… mermaid."

The clouds beat down on my head, and the usual jump in my step was gone. I felt too worn, too tired. "I'm not dealing today," I muttered, staring at the ground. The Queen could have her fun some other time – all I wanted to do was crumple into the tall grass and let myself fade into oblivion. I could wear a defensive mask, yes, but I could not participate in any deals. The thought of Belle leaving the castle – again – was too much for me to take. If I wasn't able to face her, my only choice was to run away.

"Oh, come on, Rumple," She pouted, pursing her lips into a heart shape. She reached for my chin, but I recoiled into the bushes with a sneer. She laughed cruelly. "You haven't been dealing for months now, dear."

"I'm not interested." I hissed, jaw locked. "So if you don't mind, we're done here."

"What if I could offer you something you wanted?"

I ground my teeth together and shook my head. "What could you possibly have that _I_ want?"

The Queen smiled. "I think you know."

Taking a step closer, she pulled a small box out from under her cloak, and presented it before my eyes. It was black, and along the edge were two words scrawled in ink. _Perditus Memorias._ The etchings were in Runic – an Elvin form of communication. My breath caught in my throat – I had seen the casing before.

_No,_ I thought. _It was impossible._ What she held was the potion I had traded with Snow White years ago, when she desired to forget all memories associated with her love, Prince Charming. It had been created in the very depths of the Shadowland itself, and as far as I knew, others had never been created. "How?" I managed, incredulous.

"Snow White came to me," The woman explained, slowly opening the case. Sure enough, a tiny vial of green liquid rested on a white cushion. "She wanted to know if I could create a cure for the potion – in case something went wrong. A way to reverse the spell, to regain her memories lost."

I tried to contain my hope. "And?"

"And," She grinned again. "I did. But before I returned her potion to her, I made a duplicate. I kept the real one, and gave her the copy… it was mostly effective, but, unfortunately, was shattered by true love's kiss."

This time, I was the one to take a step towards her. The potion... It had the ability to erase all memories concerning a certain person. I had thought of it many times, but had dismissed the notion. I would have never accepted taking it myself – the pain I felt was punishment. If I erased it, it would be a blessing. And I deserved nothing. Nothing at all.

But Belle… She deserved so much more. A life free of me, of pain. If she no longer had any memories of the past year, she could go on with life like it had been before. Marry a man worth loving, bear his children, care for her family. It would give her all that I couldn't.

My hand quivered as I reached for the vial. "I'll take it."

She closed the box with a snap, eyes sparkling. What a wonderful moment this must have been for her. "And my mermaid?"

"Consider it done," I rushed, shaking. I tried to keep my emotions under control, for if she knew how much I wanted the vial, she could have retracted the offer. And I couldn't have that. "Even though I don't have much use for it… I'm sure someone else would. I will solve your mermaid problem by the fortnight, you have my word." My words came out shaky, desperate.

But at the sound of my promise, The Queen placed the box in my hands, snapped her fingers, and vanished.

And I was left with the only thing that could restore what I had done.

* * *

><p>I rushed through the estate, thoughts in a blur.<p>

I was free to go.

Until the sun had set, I had sat at the edge of Rumpelstiltskin's wheel, hands tracing over the wood with gentle caresses, waiting for him to stride through the doors and revoke his promise.

But he had been gone for hours, now, and I knew he wasn't coming back.

_Quickly, quickly,_ my thoughts urged, as I raked through his dresser drawers. _This is your only chance at escape. You mustn't get caught, mustn't slow down. If you do, you'll be trapped once again – trapped! Quick, gather what you need, and flee!_

I grabbed a few of the man's shirts – the ones at the bottom of the pile, least likely to be missed – and threw them into a satchel I had stolen from an empty room. His pants were much too big, but I would have to make do with what I could. Socks, shoes, belts… The clothing in the attic would have fit me much better, but I didn't have to heart to take what meant so much to him. I would get the bare essentials, and depart before he knew I was gone.

Once fabric filled half the bag, I sprinted to the kitchen and began fumbling through the supplies. I needed no cutlery or dishes – only enough food for me to make it to the next village. Half a dozen apples, a loaf of bread, a spoonful of butter. I grabbed an old jug from a lower cabinet – it would allow me to gather water from a nearby stream. I found matches in another drawer, and took those as well. If I had no fire, I would surely freeze to death.

Making as little noise as possible, I entered the main room, cautious of the door. It remained closed, but who knew how long it would be until it opened? What interested me was the mountain of gold that lay in a dusty corner, spun so carefully. Rumpelstiltskin made gold as a pastime, not for need. However, guilt still lay deep in my gut, but I ignored it. I needed the gold. If not, I wouldn't make it far. And if I didn't make it far enough, he would be able to track my steps and stop me from… from doing what I needed to do.

I plucked a couple strings from the pile, and folded them neatly. Once, twice, three times. Surely, it would be more than enough to last me through the night. I sprung to my feet… and yelped in pain as my knee collided with a small dresser, meters away.

I heard something hit the floor with a clink.

Spinning around, I quickly knelt to the ground, eager to put whatever had fallen back in its place. If one of the man's vases had broken, he would surely notice. He would be angry – maybe even angry enough to follow me. I felt beneath the dresser, and felt a rush of relief as my hand clasped around cold porcelain. It wasn't broken. It was-

My heart stopped cold.

The object was not a vase, nor a monument of any kind.

It was a chipped cup.

The cup I had chipped, months ago.

The only thing he had left to remember me by.

My knees felt weak, and I made my way over to the stool. My head was spinning, and my hands shook with fearful surprise. A cold sweat began on the back of my neck.

Why had he kept it all this time? Why, after everything, would he have put it on display? He would have surely seen it every day, walked by it as he crossed the room. There would be no way to avoid it. It was in plain view. And right next to the spool, nonetheless. There would have been no escape from the memories it held.

_Perhaps that was it,_ I thought, feeling dizzy. My hand reached out for the ledge behind me, to keep me from falling. _Perhaps he used it as a reminder, a form of punishment. To remind himself to never to make the same mistake, ever again. Of the terrible choice he once made, the weakness he had almost given in to._

No. I shook my head furiously, desperate. No. He wouldn't have done that. I had seen his eyes – he had silenced all emotion he had ever felt towards me. His gaze had been dead, lifeless. As he had pointed to the door, and, in a steady voice, had said "I don't want you anymore, dearie," he had severed all ties that had bound us together. He had broken our deal, letting me free.

But maybe I hadn't wanted to be free.

My shoulders hunched forward, as I struggled to contain the pain that now tore at my chest. I held my heart and rocked, back and forth, trying to shake the memories that threatened to break through.

That cup had triggered everything I had forgotten.

The way he would gaze into space as he spun, trying to forget the pain he had endured. The way it was his only outlet, the only way to deny himself of how scared he was. The way he caught me when I fell, the warmth of his body against mine. The concern in his eyes. The caution – such fragile, fragile caution – intertwining with sparks of desire that flashed across his face when I had gotten close.

He had wanted to believe, he did.

But the kiss had ruined everything.

That kiss.

The kiss that had destroyed the warmth that had began to flood into his heart, recovering the humanity that had died long ago. I hadn't kissed him to break a curse, to erase all of his power. I hadn't done it because someone else had told me to.

I had kissed him because I had wanted him like no other man.

In my eyes, he had been handsome, compassionate, layered. I had never wanted a man who was instantly gratified, shallow beyond comparison. Rumpelstiltskin was different than any human being I had ever met. He may have relinquished his mind to the evil within… but he was always fighting it. It was such an easy way out, a simple way to live, but… deep down, he knew it was wrong. He doubted everything he did, and while he had convinced himself that no one could ever love him… deep down, he longed for it.

He had wanted me to love him.

So badly, that he had fled.

And it was all my fault.

I shouldn't have told him of the curse, how a kiss would break it. It had given form to all his deepest worries, all his inner doubts. It had confirmed that I did not love him – that I was only trying to break the hold evil had on him.

And whether he believed me or not, it had shattered the connection we shared.

Broken, just like the cup.

Tears dripped from my cheeks and onto the floor below. Wanting nothing more than to end my pain, I pressed my palms against my eyes and sobbed. I couldn't still love him. He had been so afraid, so afraid of letting me in that he had taken my heart and crushed it into pieces. I couldn't love him. He would never allow himself to be loved, and I couldn't stand another minute trying. It was too painful.

I raised my head, and, still choking on my own tears, walked towards the nearest cabinet and grabbed a glass bowl.

Smash.

It hit the ground and shattered immediately.

No longer in control of my body, I continued to sob as I reached for one of the broken pieces, my face distorted in the reflection. My hair clung to my cheeks, wet and tangled – my eyes, red and hollow, glazed over. I took a step back from the world and it grew blurry. The edges turned red, and I allowed myself to fall into a trance.

A tear hit my arm as I swiped the glass across my skin.

The pain was instant.

I inhaled sharply and gripped the shard tighter, until it cut into my hand. I needed to get rid of the evil inside – I had to rid myself of the demons that swirled in my mind. I wanted them out. I wanted to forget everything that had happened and start over. I wanted to run, run, run – but my legs wouldn't move. I was paralyzed. I wanted escape.

I wanted to die.

That was what I wanted.

I could hear the sound of drops hitting the ground – a mix of tears and blood. As each one struck the floor, my body felt lighter, but the desire to run intensified. I cut deeper, no longer feeling any pain as the glass dug into my flesh. My vision had blurred completely. The only thing I was aware of was my arm, moving back and forth in a rhythmical motion, quicker and quicker, until my sobs grew louder and I was screaming. I screamed and screamed as the blood hit the ground, slowly staining my shirt and my dress beneath. I didn't care. I just wanted to leave, to flee, to run away… I couldn't stop. If I stopped, I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know how to face myself, face the world, face Rumpelstiltskin. I couldn't accept the memories – I wouldn't acknowledge them. There was no other choice – I had to keep going. I had to die. I had to die. I had to die.

I had to die.

My breaths came out in ragged little pants, and still I continued. Blackness threatened to devour me entirely.

And suddenly, everything stopped. The glass hit the wall on the other side of the room, and I was yanked upwards, carried off into another room. Someone was yelling something into my ears, but I heard nothing – the world was just a buzzing of wind. I let my head fall backwards as I drifted into nothingness, feeling my mind drip out my body and into the air. I was free, if only for an instant.

* * *

><p>I walked back to the estate, my mind in a daze. As soon as I returned, Belle could be free of everything. Only one drop, and she would forget the deal we made, the kiss we shared, the cruelty with which I treated her, the torture she endured. I imagined her smile, as bright as the sun itself, illuminating as the weight was lifted from her chest. Her lustrous, auburn hair, blazing in the wind. Her pale skin radiant. Her laugh, a sound that filled my heart with warmth. She could have her life back.<p>

A pang hit me in the chest.

And I would lose her forever.

I shook my head and kept my line of sight focused. Any chance of happiness between us and ended long ago, when I chose my power over her. Whether I believed in her love or not, it hadn't mattered. She was gone. Keeping her alive was a form of payment – I was the reason she wanted to die, so I would keep her safe until she realized that it was a mistake. And with the spell, she would realize it soon enough.

I buried the sadness deep in my chest, until it was locked away with the rest of the emotions I had ever felt. With time, they would fade, dissolving into the darkness that ate away at my core. Perhaps her arrival had salvaged a small amount of my humanity. But with her departure, it would disappear.

And that was the sacrifice I had to make.

For her sake.

I placed my hand on the iron door and closed my eyes. A sigh escaped my chest, much sadder than I had anticipated. The vial felt like lead in my palm, but I clutched it tighter, and hit it in the side of my satchel. The option of telling her what was about to happen crossed my mind… but if she declined the offer, I didn't think that I would be able to keep a grasp on my heart. I would have to be deceitful. I would have to betray her, once again.

Entering the room, I strode into the kitchen and placed the box deep in one of the drawers. I didn't want Belle stumbling across it. I would use it later tonight, during dinner. The last dinner we would ever share together.

The candle above my head flickered, and I gazed around the room. Slowly, my mind focused on the abundance of open cabinets, the upheaval of the room. Everything was different – the cutlery was bunched together in heaps, the glasses had been moved to different cases, food was missing. I frowned. Had someone…?

Suddenly, panic filled my chest. Something was wrong.

I whirled around and ran into the main room, passing by the wheel without a moments thought. My eyes locked instantly on Belle, curled up on the floor but moving ever so slightly. She was bent over a pile of… what was it? Glass? A bowl had broken, and...

As soon as I saw the blood, my throat closed and it took all my willpower not to cry out.

"Belle!"

I grabbed her wrist as quickly as I could and yanked the sharp piece from her hand, throwing it across the room like a poisonous snake. My chest began to burn as I realized what had happened. Deep gashes lined her right arm from the crook of her elbow to the tips of her fingers. Blood welled from the cuts like blossoming flowers, bright and crimson and ever quick. Her eyes were red and swollen, but unfocused – I didn't think she could hear me shouting at her to stop. Even without the object in her hand, she continued to repeat the same motion again and again, back and forth.

I lifted her body into both my arms and pressed her tightly against me. She let her head drop backwards and her hair hit my back, drenched in blood.

"Belle!" I repeated, more desperately this time. What would cause her to do this? Surely not my departure. It couldn't be. She had wanted to leave, she hadn't wanted to stay in the castle. She should have been happy! She should have been gone! Why? Why did she do it? "Belle, please." My voice cracked. I wanted to cry. "Please, please. Belle, you're going to be okay. Belle, please, answer me."

Heart pounding in my chest, I placed her on my bed as gently as I could. I stared at the wounds for an instant, unable to breathe, then pried my eyes away and turned to look at her face. It was pale from the loss of blood, and black circles had formed under her eyes. They were closed, and even though the rest of her expression was calm, her lips were pursed in pain.

She had cut so deep that with every heartbeat, blood pulsed from her artery and onto the floor below.

No amount of bandages would stop the flow of blood – nor could I use my magic to fix it. I felt helpless.

_Stitch it up, fool,_ a voice shouted in my head, barely audible over the roaring that had already filled my mind. My hands shook. _What the hell are you doing, you coward?_

I took a deep, shaky breath, and focused on the task at hand. I was right – I had to stitch it up. The thought of threading a needle through skin wasn't what shot ice into my heart, no. I had killed many people, shattered numerous bones, slit countless throats. It was the thought of causing Belle pain – any pain – that killed me inside. I didn't want to hurt her. I couldn't.

_You have to._

"Belle," I whispered, clutching her hand. I squeezed it tightly. "Belle, I'm going to have to do something that might hurt a little… I'm so very sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

And with that, I removed a spool of thread from my pocket, followed by a needle from my side drawer. With shaking fingers, I lit a match, and passed the tip of the spike through it. Once black, I managed to stick the strong through its eye.

I dug my nails into my flesh and locked my gaze on her cut.

"Belle, take a deep breath." I whispered with as much confidence as I could manage.

To my surprise, she did.

I locked my jaw and raised her wrist, hating the way more blood hit the sheets. I struck the needle into her skin as quickly as I could, trying my best to ignore her gasp of pain, and let the thread follow. A tear left my eye as I continued to the repeat the motion, and after what seemed like an eternity, the entire wound was stitched. Crusted blood formed on the edges of the twine, but the crimson flow had stopped. Relief flooded through me like a tidal wave.

I let her wrist drop as I pressed a hand to her cheek – it was damp from her tears. I brushed them away with my thumb. Her skin was so soft, so warm. Even as discolored as it was, it was radiant, glowing. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

If only I wasn't a monster.

"Rumplestiltskin?" I froze as the name left her lips, raspy and broken. Her eyelids fluttered.

"Shh," I murmured, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. It was wet, as well. "Shh. Rest, dearie. It's all over – you're going to be alright. Shh."

I expected her to protest, to cry out. To tell me she had wanted to die, that, once again, I had ruined everything. But all I heard before she drifted off were the two words that brought warmth to my heart.

"Thank you."

Before I could stop myself, I pressed my lips to her forehead. A golden tear rolled down my cheek as I clutched her tighter. "No, thank _you._"

If only we could have stayed like that forever.


	5. IV

_I apologize for this chapter being rather short - I wanted to update as soon as possible, and leave you with a cliffhanger (maybe I'm as evil as the EQ, nyeh heh)_  
><em>I promise, tomorrow, Chapter 6 will be very long. You have my word.<em>

* * *

><p>I woke to sunshine on my face, warming my cheeks. It poured into the room from a window that had been opened, and the rays danced across the wooden floors and onto the bed sheets, creating a stripe-like pattern. The atmosphere was comforting, bright – as I rubbed my eyes from the sleep that remained, I noticed the tiny specks of dust that drifted through the air, lit by the sun.<p>

And the stains of blood that lined the blankets.

I shot upright and jumped out of bed, panic hitting me in the chest. Last night. Belle's blood. Where had she gone? Racing out the doorway, I flew into the common room, eyes searching… and almost crashed into Belle.

In her hand was a small metal tray, carrying two cups of steaming tea. As soon as she saw me, she smiled in a tentative manner – relief flooded through my heart for the third time in less than a day.

"Belle?" I asked with hesitation. The way her eyes were lit… she seemed… happier. "What are you-?"

"Rumpelstiltskin," she locked her gaze with mine, and in an instant, all my fear disappeared. The green of her eyes were alive, and even though there was still a trace of shadows that danced in her pupils, most of it had faded. She had washed her wounds with water, and had placed a band of cloth around her wrist. She had changed out of her blood-stained clothing and into… was that my shirt? I felt my cheeks go hot, but quickly silenced the feeling. Of course she'd be wearing my clothes. What else could she possibly change into? "Good morning."

I swallowed my shock and escorted her into the bedroom. "Good morning, dearie."

"How did you sleep?" She asked, placing the tray on the wooden side table. She lifted one of the cups to her lips and took a sip, savoring the taste. "You were unconscious for more than twelve hours… motionless as a board, you were. You must have been exhausted."

My mouth felt dry – the confusion I felt caused me to remain speechless. She had been asleep, wounded… I could not remember what had happened afterwards. Had I fallen asleep? Where? Surely not next to her. That would have been a terrible situation. And why had she not fled? How could she remain here, with tea in hand?

Tentatively, I raised a hand to her wrist. "Are you alright?"

Her eyes were sympathetic and regretful. "Thanks to you," Belle whispered, quietly. She took a sit on the bed, letting her legs swinging over the edge. "I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you… I shouldn't have done something so… stupid. I wasn't thinking straight."

I studied her expression, making note of the way her lip trembled as she recalled the previous nights' events. "What happened, exactly?"

Belle frowned. "Before you mended my wounds? I was-"

"No," I shook my head. "After that."

"When I fell asleep?"

I nodded fervently. "Yes. Yes, then."

She shrugged, cheeks growing pink. I felt my heart beat a little faster, and clenched my jaw in irritation. Why was I acting like this? I had accepted the fact that we could never be together. She had to be set free, even if not by her own will. Nothing had changed. Nothing.

If only I could convince myself of it.

"I believe you fell asleep," she said quietly, eyes flickering to the bed. She had begun to blush deeper now, her cheeks turning a bright, crimson red. "When I woke, you were… beside me, holding me close." She released a nervous giggle at the shock upon my face. "Don't look so scared, you. It wasn't… unpleasant."

I felt my mind go into shock.

"But-"

She cut me off with a finger to the lips. "But nothing. It's wasn't your fault." She traced a finger over the cuts on her arms that hadn't been bandaged, and took a deep breath. I felt a pang of sadness deep inside my heart. Like the other scars, they wouldn't heal. Fade, maybe, but her pale skin would never be the same. "When I woke, I decided to let you sleep… you looked so peaceful. I went to the kitchen and made some tea…" She gave me a nervous smile. "It's quite good. Won't you have some?"

I was too distracted by her change in mood to drink. "Thank you for the offer… later, perhaps." I inhaled deeply, then took a seat next to her. I was dizzy with confusion – any decision I had made was spinning round and round my throat. I wanted her to be happy, and I knew that she couldn't be happy with me. I didn't want to acknowledge the way my heart beat quicker in her presence, for if I did, I wouldn't be able to push her away. And I had to. I had to let her go.

I made a reminder to cut my heart out of my chest, later on.

But still, the faint glimmer of hope forced my lips to move.

Lowering my tone, I looked her straight in the eyes and tried to erase all emotion in my face. "Why did you not leave?" I whispered.

Belle dropped her gaze. "I was going to," she admitted, nervously touching the threads of the sheets. "But after last night… I don't know. Something changed."

Those words bound me in place.

"You loved me once… do you ever think you could, again?"

Memories flashed through my mind as she leaned closer. My mind screamed as loud as it could, protesting against what was happening.

_Stop!_ It cried, making me flinch. _Stop! What are you doing? She could never love you, especially not after what happened! You fool, you coward! She must want something more, to rid you of all your power! This act of happiness, it must all be a ploy! Stop, stop now! You have to!_

But all was silenced as her lips brushed against mine.

The softness of her mouth, the warm tingle of her breath… as her lips pressed deeper, my desire overwhelmed all rationality I held, and I kissed her back. Her lips were so sweet, so gentle… Time froze as I savored the taste of her mouth. A warmth spread across my face and into my body, flooding my senses with sun. The feeling was foreign – and for an instant, panic jolted me awake – but it passed as soon as she pressed her palm against my cheek. Her touch was tender, gentle. No one had ever showed such affection towards me.

I closed my eyes and vowed to keep this moment in my mind forever. Before regret regained control. I didn't want to think of the consequences, nor her true intentions. I didn't care about the future – only the present, the present with Belle. I slipped my hand, gently, onto the small of her back, and pressed her closer. A slight moan escaped her lips as I slipped my tongue into my mouth, making my body to explode with heat. My other hand cupped her cheek and relished its smoothness, the way it felt warm underneath my fingers. She lifted her hands and tangled them into my hair, urging me closer. Our lips moved in synchronization, so warm, so wet, so sweet. And so, so gentle.

I took a breath, then flushed upon realizing how breathless it sounded. The man inside me took control, and I kissed her again, deeper, letting go of the worries in my mind. They could reappear later. I didn't want them right now – all I wanted was her. Belle, my sweet Belle. My sweet, sweet Belle.

"Belle," a groan escaped my lips, and I pulled back, embarrassed. I couldn't allow the desire I felt overpower my control. I couldn't go too far, especially not now. Not right here… But she just pulled me closer, releasing another moan. Her breathy pants made fantasies fly through my mind, and a warmth began to grow deep down. Shame hit my cheeks, but my heart blazed. "Belle…"

Suddenly, a scream hit my ears.

I jerked back in surprise, panicked. Had I hurt her? Did I do something wrong? I felt disgraceful. Embarrassed. Crushed. Regret flooded through my mind as I stood, stumbling. My hands motioned outwards in an attempt to show that everything was okay, that I was not going to touch her again.

But when I focused my eyes on her face, a new fear crept into the depths of my mind.

"Belle…?" I asked, hesitant. My hands shook as I reached for her. "What's wrong? I'm sorry, dearie; I should not have startled you like that. I shouldn't have gone so far… come on." I ushered to the stool beneath my feet. "Come, take a seat, Belle. Would you like another cup of tea? Something warmer, perhaps?"

The girl scampered backwards, like a cornered animal about to be eaten. Her eyes blazed with anger and panic. "What are you-?"

"Belle," I repeated, frowning. I knew it hadn't been a good idea to continue with the kiss. She was most likely in shock, never having wanting to engage in something so horrid, so disgusting… not again. Not with the man that had broken her heart, broken the deal, told her to never return. But had the kiss been so terrible? She had initiated it… hadn't she?

Dismay shook me. I had misread her, that had to be it. She had never anticipated the embrace! Oh, how stupid I was. So stupid, so foolish!

I swallowed my pride. "Belle, it's alright… I promise. I will never do that again, you have my word. For as long as I live, I shall not touch me. Please, sit down, Belle. Just sit down, please."

Suddenly, she spoke. Her question was quiet, barely a whisper - but it tore through my ears as clear as day.

"Where am I?"

I was thrown me backwards.

"What on earth do you mean?" I asked, my eyebrows arching into a look of surprise and disbelief. It had to be a trick. A way of forcing me into… into what, exactly? I frowned. She had to be toying with my emotions, she had to be. Playing games, tormenting me, using my weakness... but why? And why did she…? "I-I do not understand, Belle, I really do not. You are in my home, you know that."

"Home?" Her eyes widened, and she searched around frantically. Finally, her gaze rested upon the door, and I saw terror flash across her eyes. Her beautiful, frightened eyes. "I… I don't remember. This isn't my home… my home is with my Papa and my people. I don't… what am I doing here?" Her stare fixated on me once again. This time, she seemed to notice the gold that was my skin, the crook of my nose, the lack of man. She recoiled, and I felt a shard of glass twist in my heart. "Who are you, beast?"

And then it all made sense.

A cry escaped my throat as I ran for the kitchen. I snapped my fingers and the cabinet drawer flew open, crashing into the wall behind me. Heart pounding, eyes frantic, I tore at the papers and quills and cutlery until I found it. The vial, propped atop a kitchen counter.

Open.

Next to the kettle.

_No._ I sank to my knees and felt the life drain from my body. _No. No, it couldn't be._

_No._


	6. V

_I have discovered that the more I write, the more I chew my lip. It's all sore, now ;_;  
>I would have liked for it to have a little longer (longer than Chapter 4, which is about 200 words away), but I promised I would update tonight, and I always keep my word ;) <em>

* * *

><p>Panic hit me like a blow to the chest – my body felt frozen as I dropped to the floor. All air had left my lungs, and as I struggled to contain my breath, the daunting reality began to creep forwards.<p>

Belle had taken the potion.

And it had worked.

I felt devastated.

_I thought that was what you wanted,_ something inside me asked, confusion tainting its voice_. I thought you had returned to the castle in order to give it to her… to restore her happiness. Why so surprised? It would have had to happen sooner or later._

I closed my eyes. It was right. I was supposed to be content with my decision. But why was I having such trouble sorting through it?

Belle was free. Without any recollection of our deal, her journey, our kiss… she could carry on with an innocent, undamaged heart. I had decided that the instant I procured the potion, and despite the strange desire for her company, I had known the consequences. They were worth it. I did not know why I cared for her happiness so… but I did. I owed her that much.

Yet… my mind flashed back to our most recent kiss, and my head spun. I was not used to such contrast in emotion. She had _wanted_ to touch me. She _had._ If she had truly been as desperate as I thought she had been… she could not have forced the amount of feeling in her lips. If her heart beat for mine… we could have been together. But the potion would have destroyed any hope of it. Perhaps she had made a decision of her own, the choice to forgive what I had done. Perhaps she was beginning to heal. Perhaps…

"Perhaps she could have learned to love me," I mumbled, lost in a daze. I picked up one of the broken dishes from the floor and traced over the edge with my fingertips. "If we had continued, it could have been different… Even if she could never have loved me entirely, she may have been…"

_No!_ I shouted inside, furious. I should not have kissed her, nor felt any sorrow at the surprise of the potion. I did not possess proper emotions, and believed love could not touch someone as cruel as I. I had fought against my rationality and a sliver of hope had managed to slip by… making me the most foolish of all. Those fantasies about keeping her here with me, never having to lose her ever again… what stupidity. Anything she had ever felt was a figment of her imagination, an illusion I had conjured for amusement. If she saw my true face, she would flee, screaming for her life. No one regarded me as human, only monstrous. And it had always been that way.

I threw the plate across the room and watched as it smashed into dozens of tiny pieces. I grit my teeth together and stood, body now burning with rage at my actions. She was to start over. She needed to. If I were to think such weak, childish thoughts, the Queen would have my power in no time. Her plan had continued to work, even after she had wanted it to – three months later, love was still tearing at my soul. I could not be weak, nor could I be selfish – Belle was to have a better life. She was to leave. As soon as possible.

"Sir?"

I froze.

A timid voice called into the room, trembling. "Sir, are you in there?"

Belle's brown curls bobbed behind the open doors as she attempted to peak into the kitchen without being seen. Her large green eyes widened when I saw her.

"My name is Rumpelstiltskin, dearie." I muttered, standing up. I was tired – I could not repeat the same scene two times over. She may have never seen me before… but _I_ had seen _her._ "And I am growing weary, so please – hurry with any questions you may have. I am rather impatient."

Nodding, the woman opened her mouth in thought, then closed it again. Paused. Finally, she spoke. "Why am I here?"

I chuckled dryly. "That is a long story, dearie."

"I do not know where I am supposed to be, and therefore, do not need to worry about time." Belle raised her eyebrow and sat at the end of the table. I could tell she was trying to appear as calm as possible, but the drumming of her fingertips against the wood proved otherwise. "So, please, if you do not mind – may I hear the tale?"

I swallowed the dismay that dripped down my throat. As much as I did not want to acknowledge it, my heart felt as torn as it had been before she arrived. It had almost been better knowing that she had made the choice to leave.

If Belle were to never remember, she should at least forget the monster. _Rumpelstiltskin._ If I told her, not only would she be unable to live the life she deserved, but she would never be able to stay with me, either. It would have all been for nothing. _And for the hundredth time,_ I reminded myself, _she deserved to be happy._

Taking a deep breath, I began. "You were my housekeeper, dearie." I paused, choosing which details to leave out. Scaring her would be the worst choice. "In order to help your kingdom, you traded me your services in exchange. We lived together for quite some time, and you made sure everything was well dusted, well cleaned, and cooked. Sometimes you would leave the estate and fetch me straw, so that I could continue spinning it on my wheel. After a while, though, you left, and…"

"Why?" Belle interrupted, leaning closer. Fearful curiosity wove its way into her delicate features. "Why did I leave? Did something happen? And why did I return?"

I pressed my lips into a thin line as I tried my best to suppress the memories. I did not want to recall. "I decided you had paid off your debt, so you chose to go home. But when you returned, your husband-to-be had vanished, and, frantic, you decided to come back to me. I am not sure why, exactly. I assume you wanted somewhere safe to stay, since the kingdom is a dangerous place to live in."

Twisting her face into a look of disbelief, she squinted in frustration. "I don't remember any of that."

"I am sure you do not, dearie." Hoping she would not notice, I moved farther back in the chair, away from her body. I did not want to be so close, especially since my heart was beginning to quake. "The potion was made to erase all memories, good and bad."

"But why did I take it?"

I frowned. I did not believe that she had used it in the tea on purpose – I had not had much time to visit the marketplace, and, therefore, was very short on tea leaves. I assumed that she had used the liquid as a substitute, since it resembled the mint venire she used to put in the tea. "I have many magical items around the house, dearie. You rummaged through my drawers and chose to use the potion in the tea you brewed. I was asleep – if I had been awake, I would have surely stopped you."

My stomach felt like lead. I should not have wanted to stop her.

I raised my hands to my hair and dug my nails into my scalp, frustrated beyond belief. Why was the mind so complex? Embracing darkness had been simple, easy – no consequences, no regrets. But as soon as Belle entered the castle for the first time, she caused the humanity I had suppressed – and long forgotten – to break through, bit by bit. And it was terribly hard to kill those emotions – they were so persistent, appearing at the most inconvenient of times.

As soon as I was sure I wanted something, glass would stake my heart. When I decided to follow the pain, my body would go hot and I would want to scream with anger. I was strong, not a coward. But the way my thoughts were mixed, there was no possible way to sort through them. I wanted Belle, but I didn't. I wanted her to leave, but I didn't. I wanted her to be happy, but I wanted her to be with me. And the two did not work together.

"Why…" I hissed, feeling skin beneath my nails. The force of my clawing allowed me to think a little straighter. "Why can't I return to the state I was in before?"

"Rumpelstiltskin!" My eyes shot open at the sound of my name. Belle was closer, now, face crumpled with concern. Her eyes were round with fear, but not for her… for _me._ "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

I shook my head and released the grip my fingers had on the flesh. "No matter, dearie. Just a spell." I forced a smile as best I could. "I am not growing weaker, so do not be so hopeful." I waved a finger across her face. "Nyeh."

She giggled, and despite the nervous twinge, I felt my smile grow brighter. Just the sound of her laughter made me a little calmer, a little happier.

How could a single human have such an effect on me?

* * *

><p>I sat still. From somewhere in the large house, a grandfather clock rung twelve times – it was noon. I had no recollection of when I had woken, but I had remained in the common room for quite some time, now.<p>

The cuts on my arm had begun to sting, so I hid it from my view. Rumpelstiltskin had told me that I had fallen – tripped in the night, to be exact – and had gashed my limb on all the broken glass. But the cuts were too deep, so precise… I wanted to believe him, but something inside me felt as though he was trying to protect me from the truth. And as comforting as the thought of him wanting to help me was, the worse it made me feel. I didn't want to be lied to. I wanted to remember.

He had risen from the table minutes ago, and had made his way to a wheel in the very corner. It appeared as though he had the ability to spin thread into gold. At first, I had been astounded, but I had remembered that there were many powerful witches and wizards in the land, some able to do much greater things. Creating gold was impressive, but far from impossible.

Rumpelstiltskin's face was calmer than it had been before, but still, it held trace amounts of pain. I could tell that he was trying to lock his emotions deep down inside his chest. Keeping them from overflowing. He wanted to appear strong, instead of weak. If only he knew that weakness did not come from emotion – it came from a cowardly soul. A man could weep at the grave of a loved one, and still be the strongest. A man who had killed all humanity inside was not strong, no – he was scared. Scared of himself.

But why did such sadness linger in his eyes? Could he have always been that way, or was it because of what had happened? I shook my head. It couldn't be. According to him, I was a housekeeper that had just returned by chance. I wasn't anything special. Perhaps he had missed the lack of dust, but that would have been all. If he had had ulterior motives, he would not have let me leave. But he had. And that meant that he couldn't be upset about the potion's effects. It had to be something that had happened earlier on.

I ignored the feeling of denial in my stomach.

The way his hands thread the string through the spool, it was such a delicate motion. He stayed focused on the task, eyes glazed over with thoughts and intensity. The man would close his lids every once in a while and take a deep breath, then place the gold in a straw basket below, careful not to destroy it with a flick of his hand. I couldn't help feeling drawn to the gentleness of his actions – why would a man, with such passion, shield his heart from the world?

I stood.

"Sir?" I asked, with hesitation. I didn't want to interrupt, but the silence was maddening. I was a guest in his home, and I wanted to help in any way that I could. "Would it be alright if, for the time being, I turned over the mattresses? If I came here for a reason, I don't think that I would have wanted to depart so soon. And before I ask you any more questions…" I gazed at the floor sheepishly. "I want to repay you for the shelter you have given me. Cleaning is the only way I know how."

His mouth opened for a moment, a look of surprise crossing his eyes, and then his muscles relaxed. He nodded slowly. "Alright, dearie, if you desire."

I smiled and began to walk towards the first room to the left.

It was large but quaint, with an enormous king-sized bed in the center. The cot was layered with countless blankets – all rich, earthy tones – and propped atop two, maybe three mattresses. A canopy of golden silk traced around the pillars, draping over the bed, until it finally ended, meters below. A couple pillows with ragged tassels were splayed across the sheets, so I propped them upright. They felt soft.

Careful not to rip anything, I removed the blankets from the bottom and draped them over my shoulder. Next came the lower sheets, and the pillow cases. The smell of cedar and smoke filled my nostrils as one of them brushed against my nose, and I felt my cheeks go hot. The man lived alone, so this must have been his bed. And he had slept here.

It was comforting.

When the bed was bare, I brought the sheets down one of the side hallways and out through a smaller door at the back of the house. It led down a stone pathway that stooped below a crumbling hill, eventually forking ways and leading to a small, stony brook. The rambling waters felt cool against my fingers as I dipped the cloth in the waves. Sighing, I rubbed my palms against the sheets until I decided they were clean, then rung them out to dry. He had no laundry line, so I made do with some warm, flat rocks that surrounded the steep hills. I repeated this process until all the beds in the house were stripped, and the sheets were replaced with fresh ones.

Next, I found an old broom in one of the various closets, and began to sweep the steps. They were filthy – covered with traces of each season. Leaves from the fall, grime from the winter, mud from the spring, and now, pollen. The bristles on the broom were thick enough to push most of the dirt off onto the ground below, a few meters down. It was surprising how steep the stones were, layered on top of one another in a crooked pattern. Combined with the creakiness of the wood, it was almost intimidating.

"Careful, dearie," a voice called from the estate. He had arrived just in time to see me stumble, and I blushed. "The steps can be awfully… frail. Come, now – you have done enough sweeping. I would not want you to fall and hurt yourself… again."

I cocked my head at his sympathy and grinned. "Are you worried about me?"

He dropped eye contact, but his tone was soft. "Maybe a little," He admitted.

I felt my cheeks grow warm, but in a pleasant way. I smiled brighter and skipped up the steps like he ordered. "Alright, then. I might as well begin washing the dishes – they're rather dusty. The sheets should be dry by nightfall, so I'll fetch them then."

Rumpelstiltskin nodded, but as I rushed off, I heard him stutter. "Actually, dearie, the dishes are not so dirty. Perhaps you would take a rest?"

Agreeing to his request, I followed him into the main room and took a seat next to the window. It wasn't open, but the space seemed… brighter. Lighter than it had been, earlier in the morning. My eyes flicked around the area and took in the furniture, the paintings, the ornaments… but something felt missing.

I turned to him. "What do you do in your spare time?"

"Hmm?" The man appeared surprised by my question, but pondered it. He made a motion to his wheel. "I spend most of my time here, spinning gold."

I frowned. "It must be awfully lonely, sitting here all day." The largeness of the house seemed much too big for a single man like him. All alone, the walls would seem daunting, the ceiling endless, the floors stretching out forever. "Don't you ever have company? Visit others? Attend balls?"

A hint of amusement flashed across his face. "Quite often," he replied, winking. There was something dark in his gaze, but it was soon replaced by a childishness that made me want to laugh. "I visit many people, especially if they want something from me. I enjoy making… deals, you could say. And I have a passion for exploring the land – sometimes, I will be gone for days." As an afterthought, he added, "That is why the house gets so filthy… I am not here to clean it."

"Then how come you're here right now?" I asked, curious. If he had constant engagements, wouldn't the man have had traveling to do today? Surely he wasn't neglecting his duties because of my arrival, was he? The thought worried me, since I didn't want to be a burden. I had no recollection of why I was here in the first place, and couldn't stand the thought of being kicked out into the streets, alone and confused. "Don't you have… deals to attend to?"

He grinned and let out a short, crackly laugh. I noticed the points that lined his teeth and made a mental note to ask him about it later. "You're the deal I'm attending to now, dearie." His eyes sparkled with mischief. "The engagements I attend are not planned… I go and come as I please. And as of the moment, I would be pleased to remain here."

I returned the smile. "Well, thank you."

It was then that I turned to him and made my expression somber. I had to be serious. A certain question had been bothering me for hours, now, and I really needed to know the answer.

"Did something happen between us?"

The shock that tore through his face was unexpected. I jumped as he stood and took a step backwards, watching as he knocked over the little wooden stool. "What do you mean by that?" He asked, voice wavering. The way his expression was now – dark, defensive, shadowed - reminded me of the way it had been when I first saw him, so close to me. "Why would you ask that?"

My heart beat faster. "I-I… before I screamed… I saw your face… it was close to mine. I don't know why, but it felt like we were… like we were… kissing." His eyes grew wide. "And the way you look at me… it's a mix of desire and regret. Isn't that it? You want to tell me of what happened, but you think it would be best for me not to know. Isn't that the truth?"

Rumpelstiltskin lowered his voice and flashed his canines. The way his aura shifted into hostility frightened me, just a bit. "Nothing happened." He stated through clenched teeth, body stiffened. I wanted to reach for his arm, but I was sure he would recoil farther into the back wall. "Nothing happened at all."  
>I didn't believe him. He was hiding something. "But I'm sure we-"<p>

"We're done here." The man stated, pointing at the room next to his. Taking a deep breath, he willed his expression into one of stone, and whispered an order. "Go to bed, Belle. There should be books in one of the drawers – if you wish for more, I shall fetch some. I do not want you asking any more questions – do you understand?"

"I-"

"Do you understand?" He hissed. A whimper escaped my throat.

_No._ "Y-yes," I stammered, dropping my gaze to the floor. I didn't want him to be angry with me. I really didn't. "I'm going."

And with that, I ran from the room and slammed the bedroom door behind me, sinking into the cushions. I felt fresh tears well in my eyes as I curled beneath the covers and bundled the sheets in my fists. He was lying, I knew he was. _Had the connection we had shared been so terrible that he didn't want to relive it?_ I sobbed. _Was he willing to forget it all? What had I done to make him so reluctant to tell me the truth? To pretend that we were just acquaintances?_

I cried until my breath ran dry, slowly fading into hiccups. My heart was sore – my mind, tired. I didn't know what to think, or who to trust. I didn't even know if I could trust myself.

As the moon rose in the sky, I finally managed to fall asleep.

* * *

><p>I sat at my wheel in a daze. My hands passed over the straw, threading it through the spool, but it felt like air beneath my fingers. It was a repetitive motion, nothing more. My mind was focused on other events, such as Belle's question.<p>

_Why?_

A spark of anxiety flashed across my chest. Why had she assumed something so… so unimaginable? To love a beast, someone tainted by evil… how could that have passed through her mind? How had she managed to convince herself of a contaminated truth? We had never been lovers, as she had implied. I had shattered that possibility before it arose. But the unspoken words that passed between us told of a fantasy she had created in her head, where the truth would set her free.

But it would not. It would only ruin everything – destroy the freedom I was trying to give her. Why did she not assume the most likely chain of events? That I, a monster, had stolen her away and trapped her in this castle, cut off from her family, friends, loved ones. That I had held her prisoner until she found a way to escape the pain, erasing all memories? How could the most unlikely option, the real one, pass through her mind? It was incredible, but so, so dreadful.

Her freedom was already destroyed.

If I had known Belle at all, I knew that she was the most determined woman I had ever met. When the flicker of an idea appeared in her mind, she would not silence it. She would fight for it.

_Like a hero,_ she had once told me.

Perhaps I could salvage bits and pieces – convince her of something not so terrible. But that would force me to trust my actions, which I could not do. The emotion that fired through my heart never ceased to betray me. I was unpredictable. Unstable. Unreliable.

And worthless.

_Oh, Belle,_ I thought, the spool moving slower and slower. I wanted to knock on her bedroom door, assure that she was alright. To make sure she had fallen asleep and not run away. However, that concern was my problem. I had to find a way to crush it, kill it. _If only there was a way to reverse what I had done. It had been easier before, when her memories were intact. The only reason for the potion was to give her a chance at happiness… but she could no longer be happy, webs of doubt already clouding her mind. If only time could be wound backwards. If only…_

I stopped spinning.

_Snow White came to me._ The nauseating cackle returned to my find, clear as night. _She wanted to know if I could create a cure for the potion – in case something went wrong. A way to reverse the spell, to regain her memories lost._

There _was_ a way to reverse the spell.

I had to find the Queen.


	7. VI

_I hope the end of this chapter isn't too terrible - the words seem awkward ;_;_

* * *

><p>I woke to the sound of a door slamming shut.<p>

I assumed that it was Rumpelstiltskin, heading out to run the errands he had to attend to. What types of tasks he needed to fulfill, I did not know, but he had left a note on the side table the night before. It had been written in black ink, scrawled upon a rough piece of parchment paper, and he had folded it into a small square and placed it down ever so softly.

_Dearest Belle,_ he had written. _I must depart for the day, but I shall be back by nightfall. Please busy yourself in the estate – feel free to take anything from the kitchen. What is mine is yours. Sincerely, Rumpelstiltskin._

As considerate as the note was, my heart still ached from the night before. He hadn't mentioned our dispute, and I felt lost. It was maddening, the inability to remember anything.

He refused to tell me the truth, and for that, I felt a certain resentment towards him. Surely he hadn't meant for my memories to have disappeared, but now that they had, he must have been overjoyed. However, the minute everything had vanished… there had been a… warmth between us. A comfort that made my body shiver with happiness. Why would he want to forget that?

If I had done something to dishonor him, betray him… why would he allow me to remain in his mansion? Surely he trusted me, or else he never would have left me alone. He could have lied, telling me I had appeared the night before as a lost traveler, and sent me on my way. But he explained what had occurred, and had seemed equally shocked, as well.

The questions were tormenting my mind.

I let a hand drift over the quilt I was curled beneath, tracing the embroidery. It was a beautiful lace. I wondered briefly if he had sewn it, or if he had bought it from a local market. The man could have made it, if he had wanted to – he was very talented with the wheel. I had snuck a peek at his golden string the other day, and had been amazed at how precisely it had been crafted.

Oh, what a strange man Rumpelstiltskin was.

He wanted to seem emotionless. He clearly had many secrets, some extremely painful, and had been through a lot in the past. But he had shut himself off from the world. I felt sorry for him, in a way. He struggled to contain all emotion he felt, only causing more frustration and pent up anger. It was almost as if the feelings were new to him, and he was scared of becoming more… human.

Something dark had overtaken his mind, I knew. Sometimes, when a memory flashed through his mind, darkness would devour his eyes and shield his heart. But when he smiled, a bit of light would break through and brighten his face. Even when spinning on the wheel, he would remain impassive – but he seemed calm, relaxed. He was at peace.

His cold, detached demeanor was all an act, I had decided. All men had hearts, even him. He had made his skin as thick as possible in attempt to scare others away - he was so afraid of trusting others that he no longer trusted himself. But when unthreatened, the man would let his guard down… and I would catch a glimpse of his true self, a self that no one else got to see.

Perhaps that was why I felt attracted to him, in a strange, unfamiliar way.

Could it have been like this before? I thought, worrisome. Perhaps I _had_ been his housekeeper, and I had thrown myself at him. Shamelessly. Perhaps he had rejected my love and I had taken the potion as a final resort. That would explain why he didn't want to tell me the truth – to protect me from the pain. To give me what I had wanted all along. To give me happiness.

But… it seemed wrong. The way he looked at me, I couldn't believe that nothing was felt between us. There was a softness in his gaze. He was a gentle man, deep, deep down.

I gazed sadly out the window and wondered when he would return. I was still hurt from the argument the night before, but I was ready to forgive him for his anger. Perhaps I should have apologized for suggesting that we had once been lovers. It had obviously upset him, and I shouldn't have persisted. He would tell me the truth when he felt ready.

I hoped.

I waited until he had been gone for an hour or so before I moved. The man had entered numerous times throughout the night while I pretended to sleep, eyeing the bed, then closing the door. Part of me wanted to believe that he was making sure I was okay – but he had probably wanted to make sure I hadn't left. After all, he had instructed for me to sleep, and Rumpelstiltskin didn't like when his rules were broken.

Tiptoeing into the main room, I felt a shiver run up my spine. My toes were bare against the cold stone floor. I had managed to procure a few more of his clothes – an oversized tunic that served as a dress – but I had refused to rummage through his drawer of undergarments. I would never have been able to face him again.

A blush settled across my cheeks as the image of him – in his… underwear – flashed across my mind.

The sound of a bird tittering outside the kitchen window drew me in that direction. It was lighter in the room, since I had managed to open one of the windows the day before. Silly man, nailing the curtains shut. What was he, allergic to sunlight? I made a mental note to try and budge the huge drapes in the common room – I was sure they hadn't been opened in years. Perhaps it was time for a change. After all, it _was_ summer.

I found a teacup and brewed myself a pot of herbs – they smelled sweet in the warm air. As I let it cool, I searched for a spoon in the drawer, rummaging through various pieces of cutlery. As I turned an elaborate-looking fork on its side, I reached for what I thought was a spoon… and stumbled upon a key, instead.

I frowned. What was it for? Rumpelstiltskin could lock all his doors with the flip of a wrist – using magic. Why use something as simple as a key if he could open it without a thought?

Unless it was to keep someone out.

Curiosity hit me full force and I tried to suppress a grin. _Sneaking around would be wrong,_ I told myself unconvincingly. _Immoral, dastardly. I was a guest in his house – I had no business poking around in his belongings._

But I _was_ acting as the housekeeper… and I _was_ supposed to be cleaning every room…

I giggled and ran off, key in hand. For a minute, all worries left my mind.

* * *

><p>The sky was dark. Despite the time of day, clouds covered the sun and sheltered the land in shadows, making the forest dim. A slight glimpse of pink speckled the horizon as I jumped from place to place.<p>

Using magic to transport myself great distances was mildly exhausting, especially when done numerous times throughout the day. I did enjoy walking, though – it gave me time to ponder my thoughts and ignore my emotions. The world was so quiet. I felt alone, but comfortingly so. And without the constant reminder of Belle's presence, my heart felt more at ease. Less strained, less conflicted.

"Perhaps I should disappear," I mused, scratching the top of my head. The pollen from the trees was drifting onto my scalp. "I could vanish and build another estate, somewhere unknown to the Queen. It would be isolated, and I could surely make use of it."

However, I did not have the cup with me, and I needed it as a reminder. A reminder of how close I had come to falling. How close I had come to believing such a malevolent trick. How close I had come to finding love.

_What an evil thing,_ I spat, in my mind. My eyes narrowed at the thought. _It creates more destruction than hatred ever could. Love is coy, unexpected. While darkness remains direct and steady, love will morph forms and slip into the heart without warning. It latches onto your chest and digs sharp tendrils into your flesh. And it hurts, so much more than any form of physical pain._

I forced myself to forget about the past few days and focus on the task at hand.

The Queen's castle would be heavily guarded, but I would easily be able to appear inside. It would only take a few moments to strike a deal – however, she would surely know what I desired. And with the wench she was, she would have the advantage, able to request whatever her evil little heart desired.

But I was ready for it. Nothing – gold, riches, land – mattered more than Belle's memories. It had been foolish, thinking my plan could ever work. If she _wanted_ to remember, she would be tortured by the lack of recollections. If only I had had time to think over my plan, to make sure that ridding her of her memories had been the best decision.

Placing a hand in my tunic, I reached for a dagger. I had to be prepared, since the castle was only seconds away. As much as I loved dealing with humans, some bored me, and when they persisted… I enjoyed using force.

"Halt, demon!"

A voice appeared to my left, loud and haughty. It sounded rather angry – perhaps a little scared, even.

I turned around to face a guard dressed all in black. A patrol officer. I rolled my eyes and flashed a smile, complete with yellowed teeth and golden lips. I folded my arms across my chest and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Come no further." The man hoisted a silver sword from his waistband and pointed it in my direction. His hands shook slightly, and I couldn't help chuckling at his expression. The guard looked positively petrified. "Or… I-I'll kill you."

I took a step closer and spread my arms. "Oh, come now – that is no way to treat a guest."

The man countered with a step backwards, but clenched his teeth. "I shan't let you pass," He stated. "I'm supposed to- to kill beasts like you."

I placed a hand over my chest in mock surprise. "Me? A beast? Why, what an awful thing to say!"

"Shut up." This time, the guard moved closer until the tip of the blade was right against my heart, pressing ever so slightly. His voice grew sure. "If you move again, I'll cut out your heart and deliver it to the Queen. She would be quite pleased."

A laugh sounded in my head. The irony, threatening to destroy the thing I most despised.

"If only it were possible," I sighed, taking a seat on the forest floor. I crossed my legs in a position of meditation, feeling the cold, rough dirt underneath my nails. "I would have done it a long, long time ago. And even as it does not work, it still beats. How cruel is that?"

It was then that I jumped upwards and snapped my fingers, making his sword fly from his hands and into mine. I dropped it with unamusement, the handle clattering to the ground. With a flick of my wrist, I ordered the nearby willow branches to intertwine the man's ankles, and soon, he was thrown to the soil. I heard the air leave his lungs as he landed on a large rock.

"Who are you?" He gasped, dirt smearing his face. He struggled to free himself from the branches as I stomped towards his squirming body.

_What a pathetic excuse for a human,_ I thought. I took my foot and pressed on his wrist. Once a satisfying crack emanated from his body, I began to push harder, his scream enticing me to thrust the bone through his skin and out onto the ground. I decided to stop once he had passed out from pain, since it was only wasting my time. _They're so fragile. So, so foolish._

I kicked the guard's crumpled corpse onto the side of the path without a care. He would wake up in an hour or so and stumble back to the Queen, broken and ashamed. Hopefully, she would be so disappointed in his failure that she would end his life.

As I continued down the rocky path, I could not help thinking of Belle, all alone in the estate. I was sure she would spend the day cleaning, curious to where I had gone, but still content, nonetheless. I had made her very upset yesterday, and I almost wished she would not forgive me. She would leave the mansion eventually, and when she did, it would be much easier if it was out of hatred, not fear.

_Perhaps she would choose to explore the attic,_ I thought. _Or somewhere else in the house._ I had left a key in the cutlery drawer for her to find – it would prevent her from leaving the castle, since she would be busy searching for the locked door all day. However, I had locked most of the doors, and the key – I could not remember where it was from – did not unlock any of them.

I chuckled at the thought of her frustration.

Soon, I reached the entrance of the Queen's castle, architecture painful to look at. As expected, everything was black – however, each time I visited her palace, the smallest details changed. The chains that held the drawbridge in place were now stenciled with tiny black roses, replicating those surrounding the moat in enormous clumps. The archway over the large wooden door was decorated with red-eyed gargoyles, unlike the dragons she once had. Even the black waters now had a purple tint - I wondered what she had used to make it such a color.

Goodness, she was overdramatic. In fact, she had always been that way. When she had been married to the King, she had insisted on wearing the most extravagant, outrageous gowns, wanting to be the constant center of attention. It was pathetic, really – at times, I understood her need for power, to be the strongest in the land. Her cruelty, her evil. But I had never understood her need to be gazed upon by others. To be viewed as the most beautiful, most glorious Queen they had ever had. I did not value the acceptance of humanity. Most people despised me, with good reason.

I grinned. _Yet they still continued making deals._

Humans were foolish in their times of need. That is what made them so vulnerable.

I curled my hand into a fist and knocked on the gate. It was a ploy I enjoyed using – as the guards would rush to the entryway with their weapons barred, I would transport myself deep inside the castle. It wasn't that I was unable to fight – I could destroy them in seconds – I just enjoyed playing tricks on others. The gullibility of humans was another one of my favorite traits of civilization.

Which was why I was furious when the Queen tricked me into believing Belle's attraction.

Fooling me, as if I was a human.

Love could not be trusted – it made you weak. So very weak.

Averting my attention back to the Castle, I followed through with my plan – the guards barreled through the lobby as I apparated into the Queen's private quarters. However, I soon realized that her chamber was empty.

I frowned. She was typically in front of her mirror, brushing her wretched locks.

Walking to the corner of the room, I faced one of her most prized possessions. As I tapped on its frame with my long fingernails, I was not surprised that it decided to ignore me. The mirror had always despised my presence – with good cause. I had attempted to destroy it on numerous occasions; not for any reason in particular – I just hated it.

It was a gaudy thing. It suited the Queen quite nicely – much too shiny and very arrogant. The framework was nothing special, just a few spirals combined with tawdry gemstones. The glass was clear and polished, although a few fingerprints remained. However, the most repulsive part of the object was the man inside.

He had once been a genie, freed by the King. When he was invited to the castle, he had been tempted by the Queen's femininity. At her request, he murdered the ruler, but made the mistake of wishing foolishly – his desires cost him his freedom, and he had then been imprisoned in the mirror.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall," I parted my teeth in a devilish grin. "Who _is_ the fairest of them all?"

A face flashed across the glass and hissed. "Surely not you," It muttered. "A beast like you, ha. What a quip."

I rolled my eyes. "That appears to be the word of the day in this kingdom." Cocking my head to the side, I stared into the man's pupils – they were beady, like one of a rat's. Why the Queen wanted to gaze at this man every day, I could not fathom. "Now, if you don't mind. Please, do tell me where _Her Majesty_ is." I made a twirling motion with my finger. "If you do not, you will surely regret it."

"What does it matter to you?" He asked tiredly. It did not seem that he was in the mood for games. "Did she leave before you got the last word?"

I stopped cold.

My heart began to beat quicker, and the words came out very slowly. "What on earth do you mean?"

The man in the mirror frowned. "She went to visit you, did she not?"

_No._ My legs felt frozen in place. _No, no, no._

"In fact, I'm quite surprised that you're here. I was expecting her to have arrived at your estate about now."

"She… went to visit… me?" My tongue was like a lead block. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Positive." He began to smile as he made the connection. "Hold on," he laughed, a bitter sound. "You mean, you didn't know? Oh, my, Rumpelstiltskin. My, my, my. Growing old, are we? Do you not have a house guest, at the moment?"

_Belle._

My mind was suddenly filled with panic. Belle was in the mansion, all alone. She had no memories. She was helpless, vulnerable. And the Queen… the Queen was on her way, if not there already. I felt like I was choking on the air. Everything was too heavy, too red.

I stumbled out of the room in shock, then took off running as fast as I could.

_I had to keep her safe._

_I had given her my word._

* * *

><p>Back in the chamber, out of range, the man's voice chuckled.<p>

"Try as you might, Rumple. It's no use. Your girl is as good as dead."


	8. VII

_Sorry for not updating yesterday - I was at work ;_; I was also working out a little inner-argument - sometimes Rumple sounds a bit like a woman from his POV, and I was sorting through how to make myself better at writing from a man's POV (which, being a girl, is the hardest challenge I've come across so far) If you have any tips, suggestions, or areas that sound strange, feel free to tell me! :3 Thanks, I loves yew!_

* * *

><p>I huffed my cheeks and sat down in one of Rumpelstiltskin's arm chairs. I had checked every door in the entire house, and not a single one would open. Even the basement was locked.<p>

I began to think that I had been mistaken – the key could have been from another land completely. Why would he have placed it somewhere so obvious if it had hidden something important? I slouched in the cushions and caught my breath in defeat. It was almost sunset and I had been searching all day, running from one room to the next. The estate was enormous.

I had counted almost forty rooms in total, half of them dungeons, and quite a few, bedrooms. There was even a greenery, off in the far end of the house. Pangs of sadness had hit me as I had realized how empty the hallways really were. It would be lonely, living here all alone. Perhaps the reason the man had so many errands to attend to was because he couldn't stand to remain inside.

Perhaps he was afraid of solitude.

I shook my head and forced a laugh. I knew he lived a lonely life. But I had never gotten the impression that he wanted the attention of others. He was much too reserved, too calculating.

I stared at the key in my hand. The stupid brass object glimmered in response, mocking my efforts.

The last place to search was the attic. I had left it until the end since it was the farthest from the entranceway, and I was been slightly intimidated by its sinister atmosphere. I assumed that there were many items that I wouldn't be fond of. Who knew what the man used to conjure his spells?

But if the key unlocked something up there…

I pulled the sleeves of my dress up to my elbows and ran up the steep steps. There was no banister for me to hold, so I had to press my palms against the wall as it teetered back and forth.

I soon reached the top and looked around.

To my surprise, there wasn't much besides a few shelves stacked with potions, some empty test tubes, and a number of old boxes. They were all layered with a thick sheet of dust, almost staining the items themselves. Bubbling could be heard from the left side of the room as a beaker reacted with whatever was inside.

As I made my way through the crates, I plucked a framed photograph from the ground. I grinned. It was Rumpelstiltskin – about the same age as now, I believed – sketched by an artist from a far away land. He had captured his general characteristics, but Rumpelstiltskin's nose was much too big for his face. I couldn't help but giggle. No wonder he had all but thrown it away.

"Goodness," I exclaimed, pressing my nose to one of the vials. It contained an odd, lime green liquid. Smoky, translucid bubbles floated to the surface.

Running my fingertips along the bookcases, I noticed a large amount of parchment paper, stuffed beside a pile of novels. They were yellowed at the end, curled with age, and dotted with ink smudges. Perhaps they were the ones Rumpelstiltskin had used to write me the note? I tugged at the edge of a smaller sheet and wondered what could be written upon it. Old letters, perhaps? Maps of other lands? Tales of past adventures? Hidden secrets?

But, to my disappointment, they were blank.

I sighed. I wasn't going to find anything worth my troubles.

_Might as well tidy up,_ I thought, grabbing an old rag from the man's workbench. The white was stained with shoe polish, but it was better than nothing. Starting on one side of the room, I began to dust. _It mustn't be healthy, breathing in countless filth. His lungs are sure to be awful._

I trailed the cloth over the wooden bookshelves, hand-crafted tables, and empty, jeweled vases. The white-and-blue flowered porcelain reminded me of a teacup I had seen on one of the pedestals in the entryway – a simple thing, but cracked. As I had passed my eyes over it, I had gotten the feeling that it was something important, something I should have remembered… but nothing had come to mind. I blew dust off of an antique lamp and coughed as it flew into my nose.

Suddenly, the sound of a horse neighing made me stop in place.

It had come from outside, somewhere in the front of the estate. Rumpelstiltskin didn't own any animals, at least, not to my knowledge. And he hadn't been expecting any visitors, or else he would have returned by now.

I hurried to the window on the south side of the attic and peered out into the yard. It was already dark – figures were difficult to distinguish in the shadows. However, I caught sight of a group of people – five or six men, surrounding one lady. She seemed to be in charge. They stepped from a carriage drawn by six roaring horses, stomping their hooves and blowing steam from their noses.

A feeling of uneasiness rushed over my body.

Something was wrong.

The woman was of great importance. I could tell by the way she walked, the way the men trailed behind her in a submissive manner. But who could she be? And why would she be visiting Rumpelstiltskin so late in the evening? I bit my lip nervously. He wasn't even home.

Questions began flooding through my mind. _What was I supposed to tell them? What if they had traveled from a far away land, and needed a place to stay? Would it be alright to offer lodging? What if Rumpelstiltskin didn't want them in his home? What if they were here to harm him?_

The more I thought, the more fearful I became. Perhaps, if I remained quiet enough, they wouldn't notice my presence. I hadn't seen them make note of my silhouette in the window, and if the reason they were here was important enough, they could always come back. Besides, no one knew I was here. Or did they? What if they had come for me?

I pressed my forehead to my palms and took a deep breath. I was the housekeeper, and nothing more. I had nothing to hide. Whatever they needed, I would do my best to procure.

I was the housekeeper, and I would act like it.

My arm was steady as I walked to the entrance and turned the handle. "Hello. How may I-"

The door swung open and my breath caught in my throat.

The woman before me grinned a chilling smile and stretched out her hand. "Hello, Belle. I am the Queen."

* * *

><p>I arrived at the castle in a frenzy. Without pause, I ran up the steps as fast as I could and into the main room, eyes searching frantically. The dining table was bare. The kitchen, empty. Bedroom, nothing.<p>

I raced upstairs.

"Belle!" I called, praying that she would be in the attic. Perhaps she had found a closet to hide in when the Queen had arrived, an area out of reach. Perhaps she had been so engrossed in her cleaning that she had not noticed the woman's arrival. Perhaps she was safe.

She had to be.

"Belle!" My voice rang off the walls and through my mind. My heart was racing – not with exertion, but panic. If that wench had touched her, I would tear her sneering grin off her face and shove it through her brain. I would rip her nails from her flesh one after the other, then staple them back into her skin. I would do everything in my power to utterly _destroy_ her. "Belle!"

To my dismay, she was nowhere in sight. I collapsed into a chair with a desperate breath and slammed my fist on the table. Anger flooded my mind.

She _knew_ I'd be gone. She _knew_ I'd be looking for her to reverse the spell. She _knew_ it would be easy.

This was the second time she had pulled the wool over my eyes.

I stood and walked over to my working table. The Queen was not a subtle person – she would want me to strike a deal. She would have left a message to gloat, to tell me that she had what I wanted. It was up to me to stalk her down and succumb to her desires.

Sure enough, upon the desk lay a small black envelope, sealed with blood red wax. A crimson Q. With shaking fingers, I opened it and unfolded the crinkled paper. The letter was white with curly black ink, spiraling like a spider's web.

_Dearest Rumpelstiltskin,_ I read. _Upon arriving at your castle, I stumbled across a female intruder. She claimed to be your housekeeper, but did not even know her true name. I decided to repay your kindness by arresting the thief and bringing her back to my estate in the Stony Swamp. I hope, one day, you shall repay my benevolence. Best wishes, the Queen._

I grit my teeth together. She had not just taken Belle, she had _arrested_ her. She had most likely been thrown to the ground and yanked into a carriage, handled by ruggish guards who had never had the privilege of being in a lady's presence. The thought of their filthy hands all over her body sent my head reeling with jealousy. They had no right. She was defenseless.

_All thanks to me._

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. I didn't have much time until the Queen would grow bored and have Belle eliminated. She needed not my favors, nor my possessions – it was all an evil game to her. She had nothing better to do with her time and power then entice those who refused to bow down to her repulsive face.

The woman was also very intolerant to anyone who posed a threat against her position in the Royal Court. Snow White, the fairest of them all, had almost been killed, later poisoned by a magic apple. The hunter, who failed his task to kill Snow White, was then killed. One of the eight dwarves, as well. Hansel and Gretel were separated from their father. She wanted to be the best at everything, and would stop at nothing to get it.

Fortunately, I was both insolent _and_ powerful. She had always despised my presence.

I decided to gather a few of my greatest potions – ones she may have been interested in – and set off to her other estate. It was only a few hours away by foot – a few minutes away through magic. On a regular day, it would have taken me much longer to replenish my energy, but I had my beakers on hand, which would let me to transport through the realm without much effort.

I jumped down the steps and, on second thought, grabbed a handful of medical supplies. If Belle was injured I wouldn't have the time to heal her right on the spot.

Leaving the front door open, I popped the cork off of a beaker filled with blue liquid and dropped a few flecks of gold into the solution. As soon as it began to bubble, I snapped my fingers, held my breath, and stepped into the smoke. The Queen's castle would be on the other side.

* * *

><p>"Come on, dearie, eat up," A bony hand poked a leg of lamb through the metal bars. Beads of grease dripped from the meat and onto the stone into a yellow pile of fat. "You're much too skinny, m'dear. Gotta get some meat on yer bones, or none of the guys'll fancy ya."<p>

I shrunk to the back of the cell and shook my head. My heart was pounding in my chest. I wasn't too afraid of the big, burly man that was trying to force feed me food – he was nothing but a greasy man with a contorted face, eyelids sealed shut with scars. The dark brown of his hair matched his rotting teeth. He appeared to have a very low intelligence, and I knew that I would be able to run away if given the chance.

However, I was terrified of the Queen.

I didn't remember much about who she was; only that she was someone to be feared. And as she had grabbed me from the estate, I understood why.

"You stupid brat," The man muttered, spitting on the floor. He snorted and stuck a finger up his nose, rummaging around for heaven knows what. I wrinkled my face in disgust. "If you don't eat, I'ma open up yer cage an' feed it to you mah'self."

I pressed my lips into a thin line and glared at him. I would have liked to see him try.

"Stop harassing her," A silky voice laced with poison drifted into the room, and I sucked in my breath. The Queen danced over to the cell and smiled a devilish grin. Her face was malicious, but radiated a great amount of conceit. She crouched down next to where I was curled up. "Hello, Belle. How are you doing?"

I tried to keep my expression as calm and placid as possible. "Why am I here?"

She narrowed her eyes but laughed – a deep, garish sound. The woman reached towards my face and I recoiled in fright. "Just wait, my dear, just you wait. You'll find out soon enough."

I tore my eyes from the stone floor and locked them with hers. "Rumpelstiltskin will find me."

As soon as the words left my lips, she burst out in laughter.

"Rumpelstiltskin?" Her chest bobbed up and down as she cackled, gemstones on her black robe sparkling in the dim lights. The woman flicked her hair from her cheek and flashed her white teeth. "You think that _he_, of all people, will be looking for you?" As the Queen turned to the unpleasant man, he began to laugh – nervously – as well. "What on earth possessed you to think _that,_ child?"

I swallowed. "He cares for me."

Another malicious grin. "Oh, does he, now?" She walked to the other side of the room and began trailing her hand across the line of statues that resided in the corner. They were all tall replicas of various kings, made out of a dark grey stone.

"Yes." I was sure of it. Since the moment I forgot my memories, I had the strongest feeling. He cared for me more than he was willing to admit.

_I hoped._

"Let me tell you something about Rumpelstiltskin, dear," The Queen spoke sadly, now, as though she were telling a child his favorite toy had been lost in the river. Her eyelashes batted across her cheeks in a slow, calculating manner. Even as she tried her best to seem kind, an undeniable coldness extruded from her body. "That man has never cared about anyone in his entire life. Some say he was created by demons, a human body for their evil bidding. Someone who could not only wreck havoc _outside_ this world, but _in_ it, as well. The devil's advocate." She paused. "However, after a while of doing what the heavens said, he grew bored. He decided to find his own pastime, a manipulative pleasure that he continues to this day. Making deals with the innocent and destroying souls."

I opened my mouth in protest, but she held up a finger and continued. "When nothing in the world can help you, he will appear. The man preys on those in their time of need - uncaring to who they are or what their desperation is - and uses their vulnerability to strike a deal. Being a powerful wizard, he is capable of procuring anything. But, unfortunately…" She sighed an overdramatic sigh. "That also means he is capable of asking for _anything_ in return."

The Queen walked over to a shelf a few meters away and plucked a journal from its clutches, flipping it open to a random page. "Happily Ever After for a firstborn child. Ahh, yes. Poor Cinderella. He told her that, in return for meeting her Prince Charming, he would request whatever he wanted, in time. Once they were happily married, he demanded their beautiful baby son. When denied, he murdered her husband. Calm, cold, and wicked. That man has no heart, nor humanity. Nothing but a black hole that takes the place of his ashen core."

I didn't believe a word of what she was saying. I was not foolish – I would never have returned to him if I had thought him a dangerous man. Even though I knew nothing of Rumpelstiltskin _now,_ I had, once. He still treated me ever-so-kindly and without a hint of malevolence. Besides, why would I put faith in a woman who struck me with magic and trapped me in a dungeon? From what I had observed, _she_ was the cruelest of them all.

"You're lying," I told her, voice shaking ever so slightly. Her eyes narrowed. "Rumpelstiltskin may be powerful, but inside, he's a gentle man. You know _nothing._"

The Queen raised a gloved hand to her mouth and stifled a giggle. It sounded more like a squawk than anything else. "Other legends tell of a man who made a bargain with the Grim Reaper – so cowardly that he could not even face **death** with his head held high. He traded in his soul for sin. He may have been a man, once upon a time, but now, he is nothing but a monster."

I squared my shoulders and looked her in the eye. "You have no proof of anything. He may have made a few nasty deals, years ago, but he has a much kinder soul than you." _If she had one._

However, I couldn't help feeling slightly foolish as I defended the man. In my heart, I knew he was good. Even if he had relinquished his body to evil, his mind held promise, remorse. He was no monster.

But… I was betting a large amount on the assumption that I would never have trusted a terrible man. I had no way of knowing why I had returned to his mansion – or if I had returned at all. Perhaps I had never been there before – perhaps he had lied about everything. Perhaps I owed him something from a deal we had struck long ago. Perhaps…

I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to believe that he had told me the truth.

But he had lied to me about the way he felt.

How could I still trust him after that?

The Queen chuckled darkly. "From the fright in your eyes, and the confusion in your heart, I can tell you've worked it out for yourself. He's not the wondrous man you thought he was, is he?" Pursing her lips, she licked her thumb and flipped to another page of the book. After reading through it as though she had gotten distracted, she focused back on me. "Besides, how could you trust a man who rid you of your memories, all for his own sake?" She feigned a look of disappointment. "When I heard what had happened to you, I couldn't believe how heartless Rumpelstiltskin really was. To trick an innocent girl, take her away from her family like that. Conscienceless, I say. Conscienceless."

Her words pierced through my mind like needles.

She frowned. "But, you know…" The woman walked over to my cell and pressed her face close to the bars. "What surprised me the most was how, after everything, you chose to stay by his side. And defend him, nonetheless." She studied me closely. "Or did he trick you into that, too?"

I stopped listening - I couldn't breathe. My throat felt like it was closing in on itself and squeezing the last bit of air from my lungs. I reached to the heart but couldn't make my hands move, for my entire body was frozen. I heard the blood pounding in my veins, suddenly getting louder, much louder than anything else in the room.

I forced myself to say something, anything. "Y-you're lying," I choked out, breath coming out in shallower gasps. He hadn't lied to me. He couldn't have. I saw the way that he looked into my eyes, with a kindness so genuine, so pure. The way his face would flash between darkness and regret, wanting to feel but too scared to accept the vulnerability. Pained every minute of the day.

But there was no way of knowing! My mind felt like it was crumbling, folding in on itself as the screaming in my head got louder. How could I have been so foolish? I had believed everything he had told me like a child – even sleeping in the same mansion as he. Helpless. He could have done any evil he had wanted – perhaps he had been planning on it, but had been stopped by the Queen. Perhaps he had been using me as a part of one of his devious plans.

"Y-you have to be lying," I repeated, more desperate. I wanted to believe him. I needed to.

The Queen looked sad. "What use would I have for lying, dear?" She asked, sympathy dripping from her voice. She touched my hair with her hand. "You don't have to believe me if you don't want to. Sometimes delusion really is the easiest way."

Shaking my head, I inched farther away. "I-I don't know what I want to believe." I dropped my face to my knees and let my body shake, hand clenching together. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't remember anything. I was locked up. The only man I knew had been lying to me the entire time. "I don't know..."

A tear rolled down my cheek. "I want to remember." I whispered brokenly.

I barely heard the crash in the distance, barely noted the Queen's quick departure. All I cared about was how betrayed I felt. How my heart ached with each breath.

_How I would never, ever forgive Rumpelstiltskin._

* * *

><p>I tore through the front entrance and into the wench's layer without a thought. I didn't have time to look around, to take note of where I was. I had to find Belle – that was the only thing on my mind right now. Finding her, and killing that bitch who had taken her away.<p>

Anger was all I could taste.

I grabbed one of the guards by the scruff of his neck. "Where is she?" I hissed, voice growing into a roar. "Where she take Belle?"

His face contorted into fear as he pointed to a small hallway on the east side of the house. I dropped his pathetic body on the ground and raced down the corridor… only to pass right by the Queen herself.

"You." I spat, hatred searing through my body. It took every bit of willpower to prevent myself from slitting her throat, then and there. "Where. Is. She."

"Calm yourself, Rumple – you'll need your strength."

I repeated my words, as slow as death. "Where. Is. She." If the woman didn't answer, I would force it from her throat. So help me god, I would get her to tell me.

However, to my surprise, the woman only laughed. She motioned towards a hidden staircase behind her long, black robe, and stepped out of the way. "Down there," A wretched grin lit her fangs like the sun. "But it's no use, Rumple – she's already gone."

My heart froze in my chest.

_No._

I ran down the stairs as fast as I could.

_She couldn't be dead._

_No._

_No, she couldn't be. _

_She couldn't be dead._

_It wasn't possible._

_It wasn't-_

Belle lay crumpled in the corner of one of the cells.

_No._

"Belle!" I threw open the door with my mind and rushed in, panic flooding every sense in my body. _There was no way she was dead. There was no way. _"Belle!"

Relief overwhelmed me as I saw her inhale.

"Belle!" A hysterical laugh escaped my throat as I reached down to wrap my arms around her body. Happiness and the drastic change in emotion made tears well in my eyes. "Oh, god, Belle, you're alright. You're alright. It's okay now – we'll head back, and I'll keep you safe. I promise." I was almost reassuring myself.

"Don't worry, you'll be out of this horrid place in no time. I assure you. You'll be okay. You'll be-"

"Don't touch me."

Belle's cold tone hit me like a slap in the face. I dropped my arms, dumbfounded.

"What do you-"

She raised her eyes and locked them with mine. I gasped in surprise. They were ragged, worn. _Just like before._ "I know what you did, Rumpelstiltskin," She whispered, tone full of hatred. She looked at me with disgust. "I was wrong – you're not a man. You're nothing but a coward. You erased my memories for your own sake. You manipulated me when I was weak. And you lied to me to protect yourself. And for that, I'll never-"

"You don't understand!" I whispered, desperate. She had it all wrong. "I never meant to-"

She shook her head sadly. _"I'll never forgive you, Rumpelstiltskin. Not now, not ever."_


End file.
